He said yes!

September 23, 2006 at 9:58 pm 2 comments

Right, so before picking up from where I left off, I just cannot say enough thanks to those who have already responded to my blog. Your kind words mean so much to me. I continue to learn that support has so many forms. So, I met these kids who just captured my imagination and sent me off on a trajectory from which I hope to never return because it was those two who opened my heart and mind forever. We had always wanted two children. Our daughter is incredibly social, creative and loving. She has been asking for a sister since she could talk. Whenever she would tell me , “I want a sister mama. I could teach her things.” I could only say back, “I know you do sweetheart. I know.” And while I was really enjoying our life here in my hometown, I was failing at fully accepting that we would be a family of three.

So, what does a clever wife do when she wants to convince her husband that he wants something as much as she does? Yes, she waits, and creates a quiet moment in time conducive to Important Coversation. That’s right, I called him from my cell phone while at an amusement park while he was in dicey traffic. I’m not so much one of those clever wives. Waiting is not necessarily my strong suit. I mention the kids I met, I say how I kinda sorta was thinking that perhaps we could think about talking about adopting a child. Clearly, he hadn’t heard the determination in my voice…he was saying that he was enjoying having all of his energies and focus just on Zannie. He was saying it was economically advantageous. He was giving me all sorts of logical and practical reasons for not adopting. I was nodding and responding calmly. Inside, my thinking was along the lines of, “Just say yes! All those things are true, and I still want this!” Instead, all I did was sigh. I must have been crazy to bring it up in that way, but that’s what I do. I think I brought it up again about a week later and he was happy to listen to me talk about how I still wanted another child. He had lots more reasons not to adopt Internationally. I nodded and listened at him. He nodded and listened at me. We both had good reasons for doing it and for not doing it. But we were both dancing around the heart of the matter. I was just about to put it to rest when another wonderful thing happened. We went and visited Jake and Rosie.

Now, Jake and Rosie are not your garden-variety, run of the mill great kids. No, they are the kind of kids who just do you in with the littlest expressions of who they are. And it’s really only incidental to mention that they are both special needs kids of friends of ours. Jake is Zannie’s age and has muscular dystrophy and Rosie is 2 1/2 and has Down Syndrome. They are the kids of dear friends of ours and they were in the area visiting. We went and visited and it was the best visit. We played with the kids on the beach, while we caught up with each other. Jake was in a particularly loving mood as he kept coming over to snuggle up to me and rest his head on my shoulder. Rosie was being especially cute and working our heartstrings from every angle. She has all her baby sign language and just couldn’t be more sweet and happy and wonderful. I noticed my husband being particularly drawn to Rosie that day. We were definitely being reminded how much we love being with children. All kids. Lots of kids. Any kids. I turned to him and whispered, “Can you really tell me that with the way you’re feeling right now, that you wouldn’t even consider thinking about adopting?” I think he had trouble getting the words out but he said, “Let’s look it all up when we get home.” Right then, I knew I had him. He’d gone all marshmallow on me. Once he took about a millisecond to remember how wonderful it is to be with a really little one, those feelings took over. Later, he told me that after that day, he’d thought about our losses and felt that there was still an empty spot there where those babies were supposed to be. He said that he had no worries about loving another child as much as he did Zannie. He said, “let’s do this” Yippeeeeeee!!!

So, what used to be the energy I would expend in early pregnancy on the latest baby-equipment, I was now spending it on researching adoption agencies. All this time, I had it in my mind that we would be adopting from China. Fine by me, I thought. I just want healthy, if at all possible. That my child will have light skin and blonde hair is not at all a requirement or need. “That’s where everyone is adopting from.” I thought. Even though there were friends around me who had adopted from Russia and who had adopted domestically. I had read plenty about Americans adopting from China because there were are surplus of abandoned baby girls waiting in orphanages. Yes, my research was telling me that it was a dependable program. Long, but dependable. Couples hoping to adopt from China were told to expect a 2 year process. YIKES! That wasn’t going to work for me, the woman who couldn’t wait 2 hours to talk to her husband about adoption certainly couldn’t wait 2 years for a child. Crazy talk! Other popular programs were Russia and Eastern Europe. Fine by me, I thought. Fast. That’s what I want. Fast and healthy. Oh, and a girl. We wanted another girl because we were already grooving the girl-thing and little miss Zannie wanted a sister. Bad. So, after talking to about 5 agencies, joining an online email group of those deciding on where to adopt from and thinking about the ups and down sides to several countries including Guatemala, Russia, Kazakhstan and the like we decided on Kyrgyzstan. That’s right. We were going to adopt a child from a country we’d never heard of, let alone visited or had heard anything about. The kyrgyzstan adoptions were taking roughly 6-7 months. I like that in life. Occasionally, sometimes a little grace falls your way. Obsessive research has its rewards. A month earlier if you’d told me that I was about to adopt internationally and from Kyrgyzstan, after asking where Kyrgyzstan was, I’d have laughed in your face and wondered what you were taking. But here I was, on the phone requesting information packets, emailing directors of agencies and googling key words. Bishkek. Yurt. Fermented mare’s milk. I had a lot to learn.

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Entry filed under: Adoption, Children, Family, International Adoption, Kyrgyzstan, Motherhood.

Webring Forms and documents and fingerprints – Oh My!

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. imhelendt  |  September 25, 2006 at 8:49 am

    Using sweet little girls is a clever wife. It’s sneaky. It qualifies. 😀

    Reply
  • 2. Ghartwell  |  October 1, 2006 at 3:40 pm

    Hi, I am adopting from Kyrgyzstan too!

    I am finishing up the last (hopefully) of the forms to send to D.C. prior to having everything go over to the country.

    Good to read about someone else doing this. I am so far the only other person I know adopting from Kyrg.!

    I hope to travel the end of November. My criteria is the same as yours–fast, healthy, girl. And, oh yeah: under 3 years.

    I’m a single mom, an older mom (53).

    Good luck w/the forms, hang in there. It’s kind of like attending a really tough college semester! Or buying 10 houses all at once. And if I put all the forms I’ve done under my shirt, I’ll look about 6 months pregnant…

    Reply

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