Archive for March 4, 2007

I’m up…they’re sleeping

It’s 3 a.m. ish here and I am wide awake.  WIDE awake.  I zonked out at about 6 pm.  I tried to stay awake so as to be on local time, but kept falling asleep while reading.  We had dinner and had Plov and soup with dumplings.  It was so delicious and delicately seasoned.  Zannie literally ate her last dumpling, sat back in her chair and fell asleep.  She’s still asleep!  That was over 12 hours ago.  I’m thinking she may wake up soon and that will be interesting. 

Today is the day we meet our daughter.  I hesitate in even writing ‘daughter’ because she is still very much not yet our daughter.  But, we have brought her the formula the doctors want her to have and a baby photo album with our pictures in it.  I know that the minute we see her, we’ll want to be taking care of her every minute.  It will be hard to leave the orphanage every day.  I feel strangely neutral in many ways.  I have seen pictures of the orphanage, but not our girl.  I don’t think I can prepare myself for today and so I am just reminding myself to stay in the moment and let the feelings come as they are.  I’ve already thought about them bringing her to us and how I will let Zannie hold her first, on my lap.  She has decided that I am ‘big mama’ and she is ‘little mama’ I kept it to myself that I don’t necessarily love the visuals I get when I hear ‘big mama’ .  I hope that I am just as good at mothering two children as I am at one.  I mean, I’m certainly not a perfect mother and I am constantly telling myself to be better and to have more patience.  I just have to be the best I can be. 

I think I hear Zannie stirring and waking up.  I’ll post later and hopefully with a picture of Isabel. 

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March 4, 2007 at 3:55 pm 6 comments


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