It’s just the beginning

March 22, 2007 at 4:07 pm 8 comments

Well. So we’re home. I am experiencing a huge emotional slump and I’m trying to bolster myself against it, but right now it’s kicking my butt. I should back up.

We said our good-byes on Saturday to Isabel and everyone at the orphanage. I was strong until the last minute before handing her back to her ‘Kyrgyz Grandma’ as she calls herself. We just kept kissing her little cheeks and smelling her and trying to take in all her details before leaving. Two weeks felt so long and yet it wasn’t enough. It was hard to go. We all got back in the jeep we drive to and fro in and were all a pretty silent bunch. Early next morning, we piled back into the jeep and began our 30 hour journey back home. Three flights and two good-sized layovers made for one long haul. Zannie of course was her usual incredibly patient trooper and took all the difficulties in stride. She slept, she played with her dolls, she ate a little bit, and slept some more. She really didn’t complain. Did I mention she’s five?

We got home at around 3 in the morning and we tried to sleep but we couldn’t. So, we stayed up and looked at copious amounts of felt craft we’d purchased while in Bishkek. I’ll have to take a picture of it all, I just fell in love with it so much.

Now, it’s been a couple of days home and I’ve noticed, I mean other people have told me that I’m quite edgy. Edgy might be a nice way of putting it. Today I yelled at husband for something that I did. Yeah. That’s not good. All day I felt shattered and I couldn’t figure out why. I kept trying to figure out why I feel so low. Then, I thought about Isabel. “What’s she doing? Does she wonder where we’ve gone? Does she wonder if we’re ever coming back? Does she want us to come back?” And on and on. Then, I felt whatever I’ve been trying to keep together just rip open and I realized what I was really upset about as I fell into my chair. Lots of tears spilled out and then I felt better. I’m not great, but I’m better. Maybe I’ll feel even better when I know my travel dates for the second trip.

People, I need ideas for my own personal distraction. I’ve got to keep busy. Cleaning just isn’t doing it for me. Please…keep your suggestions clean. Maybe it’s time to break out the old knitting needles.
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Just before leaving…
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Zannie at JFK waiting for the last flight home

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Entry filed under: adopting, Adoption, International Adoption, Kyrgyzstan, Parenting.

It’s not easy living in an orphanage Photo Friday

8 Comments Add your own

  • 1. actofkindness  |  March 22, 2007 at 6:49 pm

    That is a beautiful photo.

    I wish I knew how to keep distracted, but I have no idea…. Every trip I return from, my heart breaks. Both my wife and I go through all the things that you describe,…. and we go over knowing that we will not be bringing the kids home. I drive down the road , and see something or smell something that triggers a memory, and some times I have to pull over .
    I spend the entire 30 hour trip home thinking and scheming about how I will get back.
    I guess that is why I work so hard and am so obsessed with raising support to send over.
    I will keep you in my prayers.
    Blessings

    Reply
  • 2. Margie  |  March 22, 2007 at 8:41 pm

    Hi! Welcome home!

    I love the photo, and Isabel is absolutely beautiful. She’s what will help you keep going for the remaining wait. It has got to be so hard 😦

    Reply
  • 3. Shannon  |  March 23, 2007 at 4:31 am

    TIna-

    Hang in there, girl. I wish I had suggestions for you, but I cannot find anything to keep myself distracted. We’ve been waiting over 2 months to get travel dates to go pick up our son and don’t even have them yet. It could be months yet before we go. I, too, find myself unbearably on edge and sometimes downright unreasonable with people. Just know you’re not alone! Beautiful picture of you and Isabel!

    Reply
  • 4. imhelendt  |  March 23, 2007 at 6:58 pm

    Bake your little heart out, honey. Then send me some. You should also cook and freeze a bunch of meals for when she comes home- you have no idea how busy you’re going to be!! Double the kids is double the work!!!!!!!! Make a bunch of homemade baby food and freeze in ice cube trays. GO frame the pictures you took and put some up in your house. Make a cool collage for her room of the four of you guys. WHen you’ve done all that, I’ll give you a new list. 😉

    Reply
  • 5. thalya  |  March 24, 2007 at 1:36 am

    I can only imagine how tough it was for you, leaving her. Is that a legal requirement or is it that you practically can’t stay there for the length of time until the adoption is final?

    Zannie sounds like an amazingly accomplished traveller, how did you achieve that?

    Reply
  • 6. Shea  |  March 24, 2007 at 1:38 am

    I can’t imagine how hard it would’ve been to leave the boys… they seem like they’ve always been with us and yet we’re still learning who they are.
    I fell in love with the felt too 🙂 Almost had to buy a new suitcase to bring it all home!
    I hate that we weren’t able to meet up with you, the night that we were supposed to was so bad with the boys being tired and Beckett’s chest congestion getting somewhat worse.
    I guess knitting’s not so bad… or shopping… I always liked shopping as my coping mechanism 🙂 That would explain why the boys have such an extensive wardrobe!
    We’ve been thinking about your family and your sweet girl all that long way away… it won’t be long until you’re all together forever!

    Reply
  • 7. everydaymiracle  |  March 24, 2007 at 2:33 am

    My heart goes out to you. That was such a hard time for me, that time between visiting and my girls coming home at last. It seemed to last an eternity! I don’t know what to tell you except that I prayed a lot. It brought me comfort to pray for my girls, the adoption process etc….

    I hope your sweet baby is home soon.

    Blessings,
    Sherri

    Reply
  • 8. Cindy La Joy  |  March 29, 2007 at 4:27 am

    Ok Tina….snap out of it! hahahaha! Let’s see what we can come up with to keep you busy, because believe me, you need to take advantage of this time!

    1) Begin a slide show of all the digital photos you took, leaving space for the new ones from trip 2…if you don’t know how that is good as it will take more time. People will LOVE receiveing a slide show CD after it is all over!

    2) Take an overnight trp just for yourself, go for a walk in the spring weather somewhere, imagine yourself pushing a stroller again 🙂 Read some books and then go home refreshed.

    3) Check out the cool web site of Heart and Seoul where they sell great TShirts for big brothers and sisters who have behaved so well on long trips and flights! Buy Zannie something.

    4) Check out Ebay over and over for cool Kyrgyz items.

    5) Pick any adoption subject and blog about it, your writing and perspectives are interesting and I’d like to read what you think about other adoption related topics.

    6) Find out, if you have any documents yet, where Isabel was found or placed from…hospital born in? And plan to take photos there.

    7) Help others like me figure out what I am going to do while waiting to travel on our one trip! hahahahahaha!

    It’s all good, Tina, and Isabel is fine. Just do whatever it was you did before you started this whole adoption thing, if you can even remember what life was like back then 🙂

    Your buddy, Cindy

    Reply

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