Some of her best friends are adopted…

July 3, 2007 at 1:21 pm 12 comments

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Subversivewriter is causing quite a stir amongst adoption bloggers and for good reason.  Not only are her posts arrogant, but her responses reveal someone completely unable to see any other point but her own.  It’s this kind of thinking in potential adoptive parents that takes away the respectibility of some adoptive parents who actually want to put their children’s needs ahead of their own. 

This was my response to one of her posts.  I wanted to put it here because she has deleted my other comments on her blog which were calm and reasoned which I cannot say for her responses back to me. 

“But can you not see, at the stripped down barest level of the argument that adoption and surrogacy can lead to great pain and lifelong issues for the child born of these situations? Adoptees are angry for good reason. That so many huge decisions are made for adoptees and left with erased histories, not legally entitled to their own documents, and many, many other reasons leave the children who grow up as adoptees with a great sense of loss.

What also angers adoptees is the pervasive attitude today among most people interested in having children by adoption or surrogacy is the blatent and outright entitlement they feel with regard to raising children not born to them. It seems as though if we question that in any way, to you we’re homophobic and nothing could be further from the truth. It’s the notion of “I want a baby. If these people here won’t give me one, I’ll create one and pay someone to do it.” Your message is one of the entitlement and ownership bolstered with the word ‘homophobia’ to try and build your case for why you should be given a baby. That’s not subversive…it’s just, well, obnoxious.

Why is it so offensive to you that adoptees accept their ciucumstances with their jaws locked in a permanent smile? Just because it makes you happy and you feel that you should be a parent, does not translate to the automatic right to have whomsoever you choose to be your child, regardless of sexual preference.”

She did respond with unnecessary meanness and I responded that I wasn’t all black and white and anti-adoption and to please just deal with MY opinions but she deleted that post too…sigh…one day I will get some street cred…I swear.

Go…read for yourselves….

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Entry filed under: adoptees, adopting, Adoption, Adoption Blog, Adoption Ethics, birth mothers, first mothers, Motherhood.

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12 Comments Add your own

  • 1. iBastard  |  July 3, 2007 at 1:44 pm

    Personally, I think she’s only writing about adoption because she discovered it can actually generate some traffic to her shitty blog, which she says is her attempt at self-publishing (“Look at me! I write words on the internet!”).

    I haven’t read her latest posts, but I don’t recall her actually saying she’s a prospective adoptive parent herself (or even considering being one). I think she’s just trying to be an “issues writer” or whatever term you use for a person who writes about something without actually doing any research on it or having any personal experience to share.

    I stupidly sent some traffic her way by posting about her on the AAAFC “Vomitrocious” board for lolz after her first ill-informed post on adoption and surrogacy, which is all she has written about since. You’ll notice that all her previous posts are on the Canadian literary scene, how awesome and cool it is to be an unpublished I mean self-published writer, some local housing subdivision she visited once, and expatriate living. All that’s missing for a typical LiveJournal-type experience are some pictures of her cutting herself or making out with her girlfriend and a little blurb about what music she’s listening to for each post.

    So now she thinks that in adoption she’s found her “thing” that will make her famous on the internet, maybe not as famous as the goatse guy but probably inspiring similar feelings in people. I suggest we ignore her so she can find some other topic to write a bunch of uninformed, awkward prose about.

    Reply
  • 2. imtina  |  July 3, 2007 at 2:37 pm

    You’re so great. I know, I know…I was trying so hard to stay above the frey, but I went to the dark side.

    Thanks for your post and keep on keepin’ on.

    Reply
  • 3. Andrea  |  July 3, 2007 at 6:52 pm

    How can she say you are anti-adoption? Has she not seen your precious new daughter? I’m confused by her blog actually. Is she adopting?

    Reply
  • 4. imtina  |  July 3, 2007 at 7:03 pm

    Her blog is confusing and strange. She’s blindly accusing me of lots of things just because I want to tell her about certain things that are a part of adoption. I don’t really think she is adopting, just talking about it in a socio-political way. It’s really strange to me how people feel so much ownership and entitlement and that’s what bothers me as an adoptee. That’s why I responded to her blog, but it’s not worth it because she isn’t interested in an intelligent discussion. Sigh…

    Reply
  • 5. thirdmom  |  July 4, 2007 at 5:04 pm

    Whoa. I go away for a month and miss the fireworks.

    I did go over to the blog you mention here, but honestly it sounded more like a rant than a reasoned discussion, and I didn’t read much. I agree with you that there’s a strange quality to the blog. Very strange indeed.

    Hope you are having a great 4th of July!

    Reply
  • 6. thirdmom  |  July 4, 2007 at 5:19 pm

    I had to do it – I had to write in disagreement with the “red string” post. It’ll be interesting to see if the comment stays or not.

    Reply
  • 7. random opinionated enlgish bird  |  July 5, 2007 at 2:19 pm

    I am by no means qualified to comment on the issues surrounding adoption but wish to point out to you and your readers that regardless of what some unwashed misinformed miscreant writes about a subject she clearly knows very little about, you need to carry on as you are and steer clear of people like her.

    Let her write her miguided rants and drivel…….erm i mean ‘self-published….SHIT’

    You often find that the less educated are unable to have grown up conversations let alone any form of educated debate and therefore delete comments that blatantly point out the fact that they are clearly A FRAUD.

    I’m assuming she’s a raging lesbian, in which case whoopy doo! Does this make her the pinacle of all things taboo??? It makes me angry when people think they are qualified to discuss something just because their situation makes them a minority.

    God damn unwashed tree hugging hippies!

    ***oh and PS, I found your blog from imhelendt and i have to say you’re journey is truly inspiring. Yay you!***

    Reply
  • 8. imtina  |  July 5, 2007 at 4:10 pm

    Dear Random,

    You made me smile with your post so THANKS!

    I really try to stay open to all points of view regarding adoption because my own opinion about adoption is that it’s never about the black and white. It’s complex and I believe the truth lies within the gray areas. Adoption is much like a lot in life – one day you’re fine with it, one day it’s your beast of burden. One day you can tackle it, one day it brings you down. Some parts of adoption help, some parts of it are hard and even awful. There are good, bad and indifferent people adopting. What I try to do here is to talk about my truth in adoption as both adoptee and adoptive mother. So, with all of that, I do open myself to people who don’t think similarly and that’s ok. But, what I think about that other blogger is that it’s strange to have a public forum and not accept that others are going to disagree with you and only post comments that you think will bolster your argument or (in my case) more moderate comments. So….whatever. *shrugs*

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Reply
  • 9. magicpointeshoe  |  July 5, 2007 at 5:49 pm

    Now that I’ve read through all of her comment replies spread between I think four different posts I get what her opinion seems to be based on. Her biological mother was less than what was desired, and she consequently has personal ties with the foster system. Also, she also admits that her children will be adopted. I find it odd when people accuse others of letting their experiences clouding their judgment are actually the ones with that trouble.

    Reply
  • 10. magicpointeshoe  |  July 5, 2007 at 5:55 pm

    Also, her last reply to paragraphien about infant adoptee loss is lame. Well all of her adoption opinions are lame, but I think that might be the lamest.

    Reply
  • 11. mskimkim  |  July 9, 2007 at 2:01 am

    I read a comment on Margie’s blog about you wanting to start up a project to help single mothers in Ukraine? I just adopted one as a big sister this week, I am sending her a care parcel and am going to sponsor her son to go to a special needs school for a year.

    Let me know if you want to join forces, maybe we can start something up? I starts with one mum at a time right?

    Reply
  • 12. imtina  |  July 9, 2007 at 1:31 pm

    Yes Kim! Absolutely, I want to help.

    Tina

    Reply

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