Archive for April, 2007

Oh No They Ditn’t…

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Ok, where do I start?  The mind boggles.  I mean, who thought this was actually funny and even decided to put this on a t-shirt?  At urban outfitters, executives probably sat down in a meeting and someone brought in a sample of this shirt and there was probably an easy consensus that they should sell this shirt. 

Now, I love snark as much as the next girl.  I like dry humor and wicked jokes.  Heck, I  even love making fun of Madonna and her keeping up with the Jolie-Pitts.   But this…this…shirt (and I use this word loosely because I don’t think it could be more a more hideous piece of clothing.  Bad font.  Acid yellow??)  This ridiculous shirt is where we are, culturally speaking, when it comes to adoption.  Go ahead, adopt!  You know you want to.  All the cool people are doing it. 

The cool people are doing it.  (No, I’m not talking about myself.)  I keep reading articles about other celebrities considering international adoption.  Jessica Simpson is quoted as having said “I want to adopt, and I plan to adopt before I have my own kids”.  ( “Own kids” We all love that expression don’t we? ) Renee Zellweger and Penelope Cruz are quoted in various articles on their desires to adopt. 

The kids have become things.   New purse, new baby….gotta have it. 

So, the people at urban outfitters didn’t really do anything other than point out what’s  really going on.  It’s bad.  It’s a really, really bad shirt.

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April 26, 2007 at 10:09 pm 11 comments

Spring Has Sprung

And everything is growing so beautifully. We’ve started seeing all the bounty of spring at our local farmers’ markets. Saturday there were English peas and garlic greens and we made a salad tonight of ‘little gems’ lettuce and arugula. We grilled lamb and served it with my homemade ‘rice a roni’ which Zannie says is really rice and pasta and “…so we should call it rasta”. For dessert, we made a giant, sweet biscuit and slathered on whipped cream and beautiful, local strawberries. It was all delicious. We each ate a slice and then quickly scurried over to the neighbors and gave them the rest.

So, without further ado, here is evidence of our feast and bonus material too! One picture of my African Violet which has gone crazy this year.
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April 22, 2007 at 9:11 pm 3 comments

Vote for me!

My site was nominated for Best Blog About Stuff!

April 21, 2007 at 7:44 am 3 comments

Personal Politics are Messy

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Lately with Allison Quets behind bars and the story below regarding baby Evelyn and her mother Stephanie Bennett, I’m once again finding myself stewing and, frankly, feeling quite stuck regarding adoption. How did we get here? It’s all so ugly. But, I know how we got here. I know full well. Because of the high demand of healthy, white children for the childless who want to adopt. And just the other day I was wondering how we adoptive parent bloggers (me…) can forge better relationships with first mother bloggers. Maybe that’s asking too much right now. I was having a “Doves Flying Over Rainbows While Everyone Holds Hands In A Circle” kind of moment.

But you know, sometimes I have to whack my own silly head to remind myself that it’s not all about me. But it kind of is. I’ll back up.

My doves & rainbow moments are more frequent lately and I seem absolutely hell-bent on making everyone like everyone in the adoption world. Oh, and everybody better like ME especially. I mean, I’m reading the blogs, commenting and supporting. I’m shouting “you GO grrrl” to everyone’s feelings. And, I really mean everything I write. It’s just that for me, as an almost adoptive parent and adult adoptee (in an 18 year old reunion that started off iffy and parts of it became painful and parts of it ended) I just SO want the validation too. Oh, and if I get more than just one wish…I am kind of over having to be so grateful too. It’s exhausting. I mean, as a mom, no, I’ll never ever stop being grateful. That’s the price of admission. But the grateful adoptee in me is definitely running amok in my head. I really, really wanted the first moms who blog to pat me on the head and give me the approval that I never got in reunion with my own first mother. There. That makes me feel like crap about myself.

I emailed a couple of adoptive parents who have blogs and whose parenting, stances and writings I admire. I asked them how they handle it when others see them as “part of the machine” as I put it. How do they respond to those who accuse them of nothing short of the two situations I started this post with? When I started to write back to one of the women today, I got it. Because what I’m really insecure about is my own stuff. And my own stuff is completely void of any rainbows. Or doves for that matter. I haven’t spoken with my first mother in over ten years and hardly a day goes by that I don’t think of her and feel the space that is left that only she can occupy. So, I was dancing as fast as I could in my shiny shoes for people who don’t know me so that I could bring back one solitary ounce of my mother. Even if it was just for a moment. I know that now. Here’s what I wrote:

“I keep wondering why it means so much to me, or why it bothers me so much that we all can’t agree. I think it has to be some of my adoptee stuff. First, I have always wanted to just be accepted and not be criticized for anything. But, it only just occured to me that there is this whole persistent issue of being grateful. I am exhausted from having the gratitude message being shoved down my throat as an adoptee and so I guess I’m unwilling to do it now as an adoptive parent. I am grateful. I don’t think we have to be at such odds with each other in the adoption world.”

So, I thought of things about my mother that I haven’t thought about in a long time. Like, how I just wanted to feel ok about myself when I was around her, but never did. How I wanted to put adoption aside sometimes so that we could just get to someplace that was real and meaningful. We got there sometimes. But, reunion is hard and that’s a whole other post.

So, I’m getting over myself. It’s slow work but I have a lot to chew on. I’m just going to keep writing what I know is true for me and really work on the needing stuff from others, especially in bloggyland. There’s a lot I can’t fix. But, I can ask you all to sign the petition for baby Evelyn. I can ask you to check out Ethica and the other institutions on my blogroll that deal with ethics in adoption. And I can stop silently asking all the first mothers to “Like me!….really like me!” I can remind myself that I don’t have to try and be all things to all people. I can do that because it is the right thing to do.

April 16, 2007 at 10:18 pm 11 comments

Ethics Gone awry….Ethics Gone Completely

April 13, 2007 at 1:22 pm 1 comment

New Pictures!

I got to downloading some pictures from our trip. You can see them here.

Or, you can click at right on my blogroll where it says “Our Dossier Pictures”

April 12, 2007 at 5:23 pm 6 comments

She Grows!

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We got an update from our coordinator today. Little miss Isabel has been going to town on the premie formula we brought over and has gained nearly 1.5 pounds in one month. Can I get a ‘Yee haaa’?! That brought much relief to us here at Casa Izzy.

Another totally sweet thing they told me is regarding the little book of photos we put together that stays with her in her crib. Her caregiver shows her our picture every day and she smiles when she sees it.

Every.
Single.
Time.

I felt myself getting refueled by the news. I literally felt the story give me levity and I could breathe in a way that I haven’t since returning home from Kyrgyzstan. I had been worried that she had forgotton us or much more importantly, she liked us and then was feeling like, “Hey…where’d they go? I was getting used to them” So, that she smiles did a world of good to ease the worry. I am officially going to stop whining now about this wait in between trips. Keep me honest, ok?

April 10, 2007 at 9:29 pm 5 comments

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